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David's avatar

Welcome back, Pongo! I was wondering where you'd hopped off to!

This is good 👏 Nice and robust depicting Kylie, the vibe, and her environment. I've run on many wooded suburban trails, including up near Philly where grandma lived, and it all felt true to life. Smiled at the reasoning for Tig's name. So sweet.

Exquisite choice of antagonist too. Wonder where in the world Euryale is about now.

At the sentence level, some descriptors, prepositional phrases, and sentence fragments can be tightened imo, but they don't hamper the read too much. I was more wary of a getting-out-of-bed opening, though you pulled one off and played off it well. "permanent sleep, preferably" was intriguing.

Looking forward to the next chunk!

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Jim Pelleas's avatar

>petrification

Can't wait for the next chapter! Did you have an approximate word count in mind when you were writing, if so, did you exceed it?

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