Dispatches From 2027 A.D.
Tweets from the future
Science Girl @sc1encegrrrl23
Major congrats to the team at Woomera University for successfully #cloning their first Thylacine embryo! Next milestone to resurrecting this lovable, recently-extinct marsupial is getting the joey to latch in a Tasmanian Devil’s pouch! #DeExtinction #Thyla2030
Comments: 257
Likes: 4.1k
Reposts: 1.4k
Haisley @heyyyyyyitshaise
The SynthMeat tenderloins at Acme SUCK. Zero texture and has this weird off-taste! I’ll be sticking to REAL steak from now on, regardless of price! DO NOT BUY THIS!!!
Comments: 3
Likes: 160
Reposts: 5
Erin P. @amazingerin72
You guys are going to think I’m nuts but I’m convinced DoorDash tastes better when it gets airdropped from a Zipline drone.
Comments: 32
Likes: 719
Reposts: 232
Business Times @businesstimes
Encino Mouse? Stanford University team reports successful revival of mouse named Elsa from three-year cryopreservation trial. Scientists say this monumental success has implications for future human spaceflight.
Comments: 47
Likes: 1.3k
Reposts: 847
Christopher B. @eaglesfan116
Can’t believe Octavius Finch got caught gene-doping, in the goddamn lockerroom of all places. Knew those New England plays were too good to be true!
Comments: 4
Likes: 638
Reposts: 67
Astraea Williams @astraea123
Two years ago I quit my job at Walmart to become a full-time ClientStar model, and now I’ve just purchased my first 1,500sqft apartment in the Vivaria 1 microclimate dome in San Francisco Bay! So long, flooded Newark basement flat!
Comments: 2.3k
Likes: 29.3k
Reposts: 19.7k
Faraday Corp @FaradayCorp
The Faraday Bixbee has officially been approved for commercial sale by the Department of Transportation. Bixbee is the first production-line driverless car in the world, and will be coming to dealers in 2028.
Comments: 247
Likes: 5.7k
Reposts: 1.7k
AngelReef @angelreef
Was your date everything you dreamed? Was your partner ideal or suboptimal? Do they look like their photo? Leave a Partner Review and tell us what you think, so we can match you better next time! 💞
Comments: 7
Likes: 3.9k
Reposts: 1.1k
Rep. Marcus Esposito @RepEsposito
Today I am proudly introducing the “Starving Artists” bill. For too long this country has allowed unregulated A.I. simulacra to silently sweep away the incomes of artists- be they painters, writers, musicians, or VFX animators. My bill proposes a 50% tax on all sales of A.I. ‘art’ in order to make HUMAN artists competitive again!
Comments: 288
Likes: 19k
Reposts: 4.6k
United News Network @UNNetwork
The FBI has revealed for the first time the name of the man suspected of trying to engineer a biological weapon designed to target “black genes” in a CRISPR “pocket-lab” in his basement in Couer D’Alene, Idaho. Meet Vincent Baird- father, veteran, bioterrorist…
Comments: 1k
Likes: 20.3k
Reposts: 11.7k
Rachel @ladyrachel
Had to confiscate my 14-year old’s viz-glasses due to poor grades and he’s having a complete meltdown. Haven’t seen him act like this since he was a toddler. Any other moms have this sort of issue with taking gadgets away?
Comments: 47
Likes: 153
Reposts: 82
Alan Cheon @thegamingbeast
Join me tonight for an extended eighteen-hour livestream, where we will be playing straight-through #LeagueofCraftsmenII in full VR! We will not stop the stream until we find all twelve Ruby Crowns and defeat the Cave Wyvern!
Comments: 1.2k
Likes: 6.2k
Reposts: 3.3k
Philadelphia Post @phillypost
Man, 42, who livestreamed himself pushing people in front of oncoming trains at Broad Street Line stations, killed in shootout with police “robo-dog” at Reading Terminal. Unclear circumstances behind the shooting have led to calls by social justice activists for investigation into robot’s algorithm to ensure it is not racially biased.
Comments: 72
Likes: 698
Reposts: 382
Jacob Marcuse @journomarcuse
As the death toll tops 8,000, my heart grieves for the families of all the victims of the drone swarm attack in #Yerevan. There MUST be a new #GenevaConvention to regulate the use of unmanned vehicles in warfare, to prevent such senseless slaughter in the future!
Comments: 157
Likes: 2.4k
Reposts: 988
🌻 Alisson McKinney 🌻 @alliesalley
Look how blue Mallory’s eyes are! Coming from a loooooong line of brown eyes I’m so happy we were finally able to “break the curse” and have the blue-eyed baby girl of our dreams! Eye color and gender selection are AMAZING!!!
Comments: 53
Likes: 427
Reposts: 78
Global Times @globaltimes
The newborn Republic of Bougainville has officially joined the table of nations, sending its first two representatives to the UN. However, tensions remain over the status of the new country’s sovereignty, with some Papuan officials denying the legitimacy of its independence referendum.
Comments: 153
Likes: 1.2k
Reposts: 782
MAGA ‘28 @philfromphilly
Unbelievably beautiful #FourthOfJuly #DroneShow over the boardwalk last night. The eagle even flapped its wings! Amazing how they get all the drones to sync up like that!
Comments: 17
Likes: 292
Reposts: 94
Quintavia Jackson @capooo_38
My new book “Ten Little Beckies” drops today on Amazon and at Barnes & Noble! And if you haven’t bought my previous book “Black Blood, Black Roots, Black Soil”, why not pick up a copy of each? 💅💅💅
Comments: 666
Likes: 9.5k
Reposts: 4.5k
IUCN @IUCN
The Javan rhinoceros is now functionally extinct after death of last known male specimen at the hands of poachers. While 24 individuals are known to remain, they are all female. Sperm samples were extracted from the dead male with the aim of possibly artificially inseminating the remaining females to bring the species back from the brink.
Comments: 497
Likes: 10.1k
Reposts: 6.2k
NASA @NASA
Our deepest condolences to the families of #Artemis3’s crewmembers, all four of whom lost their lives this morning while on approach to their landing zone at Shackleton Crater.
Statement On Loss of Communications With Artemis 3: www.nasa.gov/artemis3
Comments: 1.3k
Likes: 7.9k
Reposts: 5.3k
In the interest of improving my writing, I dug an old book out of my closet titled “642 Things To Write About”, which was given to me as a birthday present by my uncle some years ago. It’s exactly what it sounds like- six-hundred and forty-two writing prompts. It’s a neat book; apparently it was written in a single day with contributions from several dozen writers. I intend to write something for every single one of these prompts, not as a daily exercise, but not irregular either.
This is the fourth entry in this series, written after prompt #4- “Write Facebook status updates for the year 2017.”
Now, this book was written in 2011, so in the interest of keeping the prompt’s setting in the near-future, I opted to change the year to 2027. Also, since I am far more familiar with Twitter than Facebook, the “status updates” are instead written as tweets. So, I stretched the prompt quite a bit, but I think the end result remains true to its spirit.
Very good, it really looks like a window on the near future (well, except that the true 2027 will probably be worse !)
Cheon was clearly using cheats installed on his playthrough. What a tool.